The Amazing Race
by RRatedauthor
Summary: It's the most daring race ever attempted. Eleven teams of WWE superstars, bound by family, friendship, or love, will race around the world. Most of the teams will be eliminated, but the team that finishes first will win one million dollars.
1. Stamford to Johannesburg

All characters appear courtesy World Wrestling Entertainment. The Amazing Race copyright Jerry Bruckheimer productions. No infringement intended.

The Amazing Race – WWE

Voice-over

This is Titan Tower, the headquarters of World Wrestling Entertainment, and the starting point of a race around the world for one million dollars. Stretch limos are driving the eleven teams to the starting line. The teams are: Paul and Stephanie; husband and wife, from Connecticut, looking for a little excitement...

Paul: Usually I'm the one who wants to do the daring things, but this race is my wife's idea.

Stephanie: We want our children to grow up with the same sense of "grab life by the balls" that both Paul and I have.

Adam and Jay, childhood friends, originally from Toronto Canada...

Adam: After years of jumping off ladders, there wasn't much more for us to do as a team... except this.

Jay: Yes, those other chumpstains will be kissing our dust when we cross the finish line first!

Matt and Jeff, brothers from Cameron, North Carolina

Matt: we're here to show everyone that whatever Team Extreme puts their mind to, they can accomplish.

Jeff: I wanna win and buy Skittles for ever and ever!

Jimmy and Jimmy, father and son, originally from the Fiji Islands...

Jimmy Jr: My dad and I never had a lot of time together when I was growing up, with him on the road so much. This is a chance for us to grow as father and son.

Jimmy Sr: Whoosh!

Jerry and Jim, co-workers from Tennessee and Oklahoma, respectively...

Jerry: I wanna see some foreign puppies!

Jim: This race is gonna be a real slobberknocker, that's for sure!

Brian and Paul, estranged boyfriends, living in Los Angeles...

Brian: Our relationship basically fell apart because we found out that we are two different people. We're hoping the race will help us see what first attracted us to each other.

Paul: Either that, or we'll be coming home on different planes!

Sean and Joanie, from Minnesota, dating on and off for nine years.

Sean: We're here to rip ass and take names!

Joanie: I don't fear any man, so this race will be a piece of cake!

Cody & Dustin... brothers from Texas...

Cody: My dad and my brother had a disagreement when I was younger, so I never had that relationship that I wanted to have with him.

Dustin: It's time to put that behind us and move forward. Hopefully this race is the first step.

Amy & Jillian, reality-show super fans from Louisiana...

Amy: This race is gonna be a piece of cake! We'll be the first all-girl team to win this!

Jillian: That's what you said before you left for Survivor! Giggles

Vickie and Chavo... aunt and nephew from El Paso, Texas.

Vickie: My nephew and I have become real close since my husband passed away a couple years ago. We're doing this race for him!

Chavo: Latino heat will prevail!

And Vince and Linda, grandparents, married over thirty years, from Stamford, Connecticut.

Vince: I'm here to show all these youngsters, that it's not how fast to run the race, but how smart you run it that will determine who wins.

Linda: My husband hates to lose at anything... for our competitors' sake, I hope we at least win one leg.

Which one of these eleven teams will take home the million dollar prize as we begin the amazing race!

Shortly, you will be leaving on a race around the world. When I give the word, you can run over to your baggage, grab your first clue, then race to the cars parked nearby. After that, it's up to you. The first team to cross the finish line at the end of the race will win one million dollars in cash! Are you ready?

"Yes" The eleven teams chorused

"I said... ARE.... YOU... READY?"

"YES" They shouted even louder.

"The world is out there... good luck... travel safe... GO!"

At 'go', pandemonium exploded.

The eleven teams raced across the roof of Titan towers and tore open the clue.

"Get yourself to Johannesburg, South Africa..."

"...you can only fly on these three flights..."

"...Al-Italia one-oh-one..."

"...Swiss Air six-oh-five..."

"...South African Air three-oh-five..."

"...seats are first come, first served..."

It was mass confusion as the teams down the stairs and out the front door of the Titan Office building. It the confusion of all the running, no one noticed that one team, Vince and Linda, were taking it real slow.

"No sense running, Linda. We're gonna be running a lot. Might as well conserve our energy while we can. That host said something about a travel packet. Have you got ours?"

"Right here, Vince." Linda adjusted the straps on her backpack carefully.

"Can I see that clue, again?" Vince read their instructions again. "Hmm... do those sound like local flights?"

"What are you thinking?" Linda asked

"Maybe we have to fly out of a major airport... I'm thinking NYC."

"LaGuardia or JFK?"

"I'd say LaGuardia."

"That's less than an hour from here. Let's drive there instead of going to Hartford." Vince power-walked down to the ground, Linda close behind. To no surprise, all the other cars had long since departed.

"I think we've made our first smart decision of the race." Vince chuckled

...

Nine of the other teams had erroneously assumed that they were flying out of Hartford and had driven to that airport. While not a major setback, it did cost them about two hours. The only other team that correctly guessed that they were flying out of LaGuardia was Jerry and Jim.

"Are you sure about this, King?" Jim panted. He was not the fittest of the competitors by any means and he wondered how he was going to survive all the running if he was this winded already.

"Trust me." Jerry pulled into the airport parking lot. Not seeing any other team's vehicle, they dawdled a little getting their luggage.

"Which one? South African, Swiss, or Italia?" Jerry looked around the crowded terminal.

"Swiss Air if probably gonna fly through Zurich, The Italian one through Rome or Venice... I'd say the South African is our best chance to get a direct flight." Jim pointed at the departures board.

"But it's the last one to arrive." Jerry pointed out.

"Only by two hours. We have no idea of how long of a stopover there is in Switzerland or Italy. If we go direct, there's less chance of missing a connection or long delays."

"Let's do it, then. I can't wait to get into a warmer climate. New England winters suck." Jerry complained

"Or does this have something to do with South African women not wearing a lot of clothes." Jim raised his eyebrow at Jerry, who chuckled.

"South Africa, here we come."

...

"Fuck!"

That was the unanimous consensus by the nine teams upon arriving in Hartford and realizing that a: they had picked the wrong airport and b: two teams had picked the right one.

"Matty, I told you it was LaGuardia." Jeff tugged at his brother's arm.

"You're right, little bro. I gotta start listenin' to ya." Matt shrugged. The two of them silently broke away from the other eight teams who were still asking people about flights. Matt and Jeff gaines precious minutes on the others and were also able to make the South African flight.

Voice-over  
All teams are now flying to Johannesburg, South Africa. Eventually they will make their way to this remote village. The last team to arrive will be eliminated.

Flights:

South African: Vince and Linda, Jerry and Jim, Matt and Jeff

Swiss: Adam and Jay, Jimmy and Jimmy Jr., Stephanie and Paul, Cody and Dustin

Italia: Paul and Brian, Vickie and Chavo, Sean and Joanie, Amy and Jillian

With delays and varied departure times, the Swiss Air flight landed first. The four teams raced out of the airport and found a clue box waiting for them.

"Find the smoke that thunders."

"The smoke that thunders? WTF does that mean?" Paul asked. The other three teams were asking themselves the same question.

Stephanie's eyes lit up. She hurriedly whispered something to her husband.

"Excuse us." She grabbed Paul by the elbow and hauled him back inside the airport.

"They're not gonna do it again, are they?" Jay whispered to Adam. "Bad enough they hogged the can on the flight in."

"Shhh..." Adam replied "Follow me."

Leaving the other two teams to continue puzzling over the somewhat cryptic clue, Adam dragged Jay to information. On their way, they heard the announcement that the second flight, the South African airlines plane, was just arriving.

"Excuse me... what's the quickest way to get to Victoria Falls?" He asked

"Victoria Falls? Are you..."

"Quiet for a second."

"Fastest way is out of Lanseria Airport. It's about an hour drive from here. There are charter flights leaving from there to Livingstone Airport. "

"Perfect. Thanks." Literally by the arm, Adam dragged Jay back out of the terminal. At the entrance, he took one last look to see if he could spot Paul and Stephanie. He did not see them, but he did see Vince and Linda powering their way through, heading for the cluebox.

"Taxi!" Adam shouted "Lanseria Airport."

...

The final flight, New York to Johannesburg via Milan was delayed two hours by a massive storm sweeping across central Europe. By the time the plane landed, all the teams on the other two flights had gotten their clues and, one way or another, figured out where they were going.

"Taxi!" Brian shouted, pushing in front of a couple people to get better positioning.

"Excuse me! I was here first." Vickie screeched

The other Paul grimaced. Vickie's voice was as irritating as fingernails on the chalkboard and he hoped that she and her nephew were eliminated early on. Between her voice and Jillian's singing, he realized that some of their travel budget for that leg might be needed for Aspirin.

"Lanseria Airport." To get away, he would've gladly pushed her in front of the taxi instead of just stealing it.

...

Hunter and Stephanie were gloating. Stephanie had correctly surmised that 'the smoke that thunders' had meant Victoria Falls and she and Paul had stopped for a quick snack before grabbing their taxi, thinking that all the other teams weren't going to figure it out. Imagine their surprise when they arrived at Lanseria airport and found Adam and Jay waiting in the air charter lounge.

"How did you...?

"Never mind. Let's grab our flight before anyone else shows up." Stephanie fumed

"Guess these two Canadians aren't as stupid as you thought." Jay smiled

"I guess not."

While they booked their flight, Adam and Jay were joined in the concourse by the brothers from Texas.

"Priceless." Cody was heard to mutter. "Maybe next time you'll listen to me, _big brother._"

Adam started to laugh, but quickly slapped his hands over his mouth. Hearing the two of them reminded him of the time spent with a certain pair of brothers from Cameron.

"Better hurry. Charters are first come, first served." Jay quickly added to drown out what sounded like Adam choking. "Upstairs... third door on the right."

"Thanks." Dustin tipped his cowboy hat.

"What the hell...?" Adam hissed

"We can beat those two. I'd rather race them at the end than Paul and Stephanie or Matt and Jeff."

Dustin and Cody were going in just as Paul and Stephanie were leaving. Not a word was spoken.

"Congratulations... you're the last team on the first flight at six a.m."

Since they had thirteen hours to wait, they decided to find a nearby hotel and sleep before their flight.

"Team Texas in for the night." Cody sang out.

...

Charter one: 6: a.m. Adam and Jay, Paul and Stephanie, Cody and Dustin

Charter two: 7 a.m. Vince and Linda, Matt and Jeff

Charter three: 8 a.m. Jerry and Jim, Vickie and Chavo

Charter four 9 a.m. Amy and Jillian, Paul and Brian, Sean and Joanie, Jimmy and Jimmy Jr.

Voice-over

Next time on the Amazing Race...

At the detour, teams face a harrowing choice that may have some of the screaming for their lives and a roadblock forces them to swallow their pride. While others fight, one team finds an advantage that forges them into the lead. The question is... who will be eliminated first!


	2. Johannesburg to Zambia, part one

Johannesburg, South Africa to Livingstone, Zambia (part one)

Six a.m. seemed to come way too early for the three teams on the first charter flight. In fact, Jay had to yank both the covers and the pajamas from Adam's body before the tall blond was willing to get out of bed.

"Twenty minutes, mofo!" Jay threw some clothes at his teammate. "If we miss this charter, there goes our advantage."

"Why did I pick you again?" Adam groaned, shuddering when his bare feet made contact with the cold floor.

"Because you love me?" Jay joked

"Uh no, that's not it." Adam shimmied into a pair of underwear, then reached for his jeans. "We got enough cash left for a coffee?"

"If you get your ass in gear, maybe." Jay paced nervously while Adam dressed, a little slowly given how little time they had, and grabbed all his race-related documentation.

The thought of coffee got Adam's gears grinding a little faster and with five minutes to spare, they were at the airfield and even time to grab a coffee, much to Adam's pleasure. They were joined by the other two teams, neither of which seemed to have slept much the night before either. Cody looked like he was still asleep.

With precisely two minutes to spare, the pilot came out and they got aboard their flight to Zambia.

"Are you sure it's Victoria falls?" Paul asked. He'd been asking the same question ever since the airport in South Africa.

"Paul, shut up and look. Doesn't that look like 'smoke that thunders'?" Stephanie pointed out the window. The world's largest waterfall was clearly visible in the distance and, even though they couldn't hear it, they could see what looked like plumes of smoke coming off of it, though they both realized it was spray from the tons of water cascading to the rocks below.

Cody and Dustin and Adam and Jay looked at their respective partners and smiled. Similar questions had passed through their minds at least once since they'd landed, but to hear Stephanie's explanation made sense.

Their flight landed, but not nearly fast enough for Adam. Even the one coffee before the flight departed was one coffee too much and he desperately needed a potty break.

"Figure out what we're doing while I piss." Adam stated. There were no bathrooms on the small twelve-seater.

Jay nodded and followed the other two teams out of the airport while Adam did his business. They found a row of vehicles with some shady-looking men standing beside. Fortunately, each car was marked with a yellow and white flag. Paul and Stephanie and Cody and Dustin selected a car and while Cody and Dustin took the man with them (after handing him some cash), Paul and Stephanie elected to go alone.

_Must be driver's for hire. _ Jay tapped his foot and waited patiently, feeling what little advantage they had over the next flight disappear.

...

Jeff could not sit still for a moment during their flight, which really started to tick off Vince. He stared across the aisle once or twice and was almost ready to forcibly strap Jeff into his seat when Linda put a steadying hand on his arm.

"Vince, I've always wanted to see this part of the world like this." She looked out over the scenery, taking the time to admire it. There wasn't much else to do unless she wanted to listen to Jeff ramble on about what he was going to do with his share of the million-dollar prize.

"Once we win the million dollars, we'll take more trips like this. But without the traveling companions." He directed this comment as Jeff, who stuck his tongue out then went back to chattering noisily about Skittles and other trivialities.

"I don't know how his brother puts up with him." He leaned back on his seat. "Wake me when we start final approach."

...

"I just hope we're not the first team eliminated." Chavo paced, waiting for his flight, the next, to take off.

"If we don't screw it up, we won't be." Vickie grumbled "Excuse me, are you the pilot?" She barked at a lanky man approaching the plane.

"Yes ma'am, we leave in five minutes."

Vickie looked at her watch as if the five minutes was five minutes too long.

"Relax." Chavo added "It's five minutes. Big whoop."

...

One hour later, the final charter carrying the last four teams left. All the pairs were now either in Zambia or en route.

"I think a team on this flight is going to be the first eliminated. I just hope it ain't us." Joanie looked at Sean.

"I guaran-damn-tee you it won't." Sean smiled. Behind his dark glasses, his eyes gleamed evilly as he started to form a plan to overtake the others.

Voice-over

Once teams arrive, they must find this route marker overlooking the falls. It will tell them the location of their next task. Teams will also find a clue to the location of the one fast-forward pass available on this leg. A team that finds it can bypass all remaining tasks and go directly to the pit stop. Teams may only use the fast-forward once during the race so they have to choose when it is most advantageous to do so.

Adam and Jay were first to the route marker, even though Jay almost tumbled right off the side and into the raging waters below. That shocked them both into taking it a little slower. What good is an advantage if you end up dead?

"Fast-forward." Adam looked at the green card that was included in their route info as well as a yellow one. "Find the place where the pot boils."

"Ya wanna?" Jay asked. The other two teams hadn't even arrived yet. "It's only the first leg."

"Get an early lead." Adam replied

"Let's do it." Jay and Adam fast-walked back to where they had parked. On their way, they encountered a local who agreed to take them to where the pot boiled and hopefully, the key to the fast-forward.

The other two teams from the first flight didn't even bother looking at the green card.

"Detour..." Paul furrowed his brow.

...

Vo

A detour is a choice between two tasks, each with it's own pros and cons. In this detour, teams will determine how they get to the next route marker. The choices are "air" or "land".

...

"Air." Paul read from the card. "Take a zip line to the bottom of the gorge to retrieve your next clue."

Stephanie looked a bit uneasy. "What's the other choice?"

"Land. Take a long walk to the bottom of the gorge to retrieve your next clue."

"You know how I feel about heights, honey." Stephanie stated

"I know, but if everyone else takes "air" and we take "land", we could be eliminated? Why don't we find this Batoka Gorge (Paul pronounced it George) and then decide, ok?"

Stephanie nodded. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

Regardless of whether or not it was bad, it was still a popular choice among the teams. The only team that didn't do the zip line was Adam and Jay, but that was only because they were looking for the fast forward. Their trek took them to the bottom of Victoria falls where, in one of the more violent patches of surf, there was a small wooden box.

"Found it!" Once more, Jay's exuberance almost cost him, but this time Adam was able to pull him to safety.

"Jay, next time you do that, I'm gonna let you fall." Adam snatched the slightly damp card from his partner's hand. "Congratulations... you have found the fast-forward. Make your way to the pit stop... Songwe Village."

"Yeah, bro... we are so there!"

"Fast forwards rule!" Jay went for a high-five at the same time Adam went for a low five. They met somewhere in the middle. "Five second pose!"

Adam and Jay posed, each holding one side of the card.

"Songwe village, here we come!" They began the trek back to their vehicle.

...

"Piece of cake." Jerry looked over the ravine. He and Jim had done the first part of the detour without any problems and were now waiting for the team in front of them, Matt and Jeff, to do the bungee-slash-pendulum to the bottom of the gorge to receive their next clue.

"Maybe for you. That thing looks like it was made for smaller people." Jim patted his considerable waistline.

"That's why I'm going first. If you break it, I'll be stuck here."

"Thanks a lot."

"Are you ready?" The rigger asked

"Let's go!" Jerry stepped up. Over his shoulder, he saw Vince and Linda approaching. _Must've taken a wrong turn somewhere. They were ahead of us.  
_

"It's just a step off. On three... one... two... three..."

Jerry stepped off and instinctively closed his eyes. In hindsight, he wished he hadn't. The onrush of air passing his head reminded him of the time he'd made out with a girl on a roller coaster. At the bottom, he looked up where Jim was waiting for him.

"Swing, you fat bastard, swing!" He shouted

"Did he just call me a fat bastard?" Jim asked the man running it.

"I think he did." He replied in a thick Australian accent.

"Remind me to kick his ass when I get to the bottom. Latah!" His cowboy hat securely on his head, Jim stepped off.

...

"Songwe village... here we are." Adam called out happily. To their surprise, they hadn't gotten lost at all and had found the location of the pit stop in real good time. Parking their vehicle, they followed a trail of flags until they came to a fire pit. Off to one side were two men, one in tradition African dress, the other in Western clothes.

"Welcome to Songwe." The one in African said, smiling, greeting them both with a handshake.

"Adam and Jay," the other man said "you are team number one!"

Although they expected to be first, hearing it officially was still great.

"First place rules!" Adam shouted. Another awkward high-five followed.

"Yeah. The other teams are going to be watching our dust for sure." Jay said

...

"Roadblock." Paul read. "Who's hungry?"

...

Vo

A roadblock is a task that only one team member will perform. Teams must decide who will perform the task before opening the sealed card and finding out the full details of the task.

"I guess I am." Paul looked at Stephanie, who looked a little shaken from her pendulum swing.

"Drive to Songwe Village. There you will prepare and eat a local delicacy. Your partner may assist in the eating portion. Once the entire item is consumed, you may check in at the pit stop by the fire pit.

...

"Local delicacy?" Paul repeated "I'm not sure I want to know what that is gonna be..."

"Me neither. But we gotta do it."

"I know. Let's get this over with." After a quick kiss, they headed back toward their car.

...

"Tell me again why we're doing this instead of the walk?" The more he looked at it, the less Brian wanted any part of the zip line.

"Because you wouldn't make a choice. I asked you three times which way you wanted to go and you wouldn't answer so I made the decision for you." Paul stated, already harnessed in. "Remember what my Mom used to say... the family that bungees together stays together."

"Your mother never said that." Brian answered

"It'll be fun, Bri. You wanted to do things together to see if we could put our relationship back together." Paul climbed the scaffold and looked around. The view was incredible, assuming you didn't look down.

"This is not what I had in mind." He was still scared out of his wits, but seeing Paul hanging there without a care in the world was comforting. Of the pair, Paul preferred heights less so if he could do it, then so could he.

"Then think about all the fun you're going to have spending half a million dollars. Catch ya on the other side, 'drick. Let's go.... whee!"

Brian watched Paul take the zip line and part of him wished it would break. Not because he wanted anything to happen to Paul, but because he really didn't want to do it. But it held, and against the will of his legs, Brian ascended the wooden scaffold and got hooked in.

"Ready?"

"If I say no, will you let me out?"

"It's just a little slide."

"Come on, Bri, it's easy." Paul waved to him from the other side.

"Let's get this over with." Kendrick scrunched his eyes shut as the trip began. His heart beating in his head, he couldn't stand to even open his eyes for the entire voyage. But finally, he came to a stop and felt terra firma under his feet again.

"I told you it would be okay." As soon as he was out of the harness, Paul hugged him. "Nothing to it."

"Good. Now get me outta this crap."

"Not yet mate... that was the warm-up." Brian's heart skipped when he heard that. _A warm-up... what the fuck has Paul got me into this time... Mommy!!!!_

TBC


	3. Johannesburg to Zambia, part two

"Songwe Village... Songwe Village..." Paul drove down what passed for a highway in this part of the world. "What were those directions you got at the gas station again?"

"The guy said go back the way we came and once we pass a big tree, turn right." Stephanie answered

Paul pulled off to the shoulder and slammed the brakes. "You're fuckin' kidding me, right? Turn right at a big tree... I don't know if you've noticed, but that's all there is around here... big fuckin' trees. Should I just pick a random tree and turn right, is that it? God, next time I'm getting the directions."

"You never ask for directions. What makes this time so special?" Steph screeched

"Usually, getting bad directions doesn't cost us one million dollars." Paul edged back onto the dirt road. _Why didn't I bring Shane instead?_

_..._

"That was rather fun. I wish we could do it again." Jillian bubbled. A little nervous at first, especially when she saw the second part of the detour, but exhilaration soon took over.

"Me too, but Brian and Paul are on our heels." Amy replied

"Yeah, but Brian is chickening out on the pendulum swing." Jillian stated

"Poor guy." Amy sighed "Paul'll make him do it, no worries!"

"I'm sure he will." Jillian replied, tearing open their clue. "Roadblock..."

...

"Turn here." Jim was reading a road map he'd bought from some local just after they'd gotten their clue at Victoria Falls. "It says Songwe village... oh, wait... Songwe Point Village. Could that be the place?"

"Only one way to find out." Jerry suddenly turned the car onto a dirt path, immediately swerving to avoid a native woman walking her two dogs.

"King... you almost ran over the puppies!" Jim shouted, then burst out laughing.

"I guess I did, didn't I?" Jerry had to pull off to the side when he started laughing. Neither man noticed another 4X4 pass them during their attempts at composing themselves.

"Looks like we just passed Jerry and Jim." Matt looked over his shoulder.

"Car trouble, ya think?" Jeff asked

"I dunno. It's not our concern." Matt drove on. "I'm a little nervous about what African delicacy we're going to have to eat."

"Matty, we just bungeed to the bottom of a gorge... how hard could this be?" Jeff was still on a high from the adrenaline.

"Don't ask." Matt smiled. _Day two of the race and I'm already shaking._

...

"Come on, Brian... it's just a little step." Paul yelled up.

"I can't..." Brian was shaking uncontrollably.

"Are you ready, Brian?" The head rigger asked

Brian took two steps back, cringing.

"Just take a step. That's all. In three.."

"Brian, please! For me!"

"One... two... three... Go!"

At 'three', Brian screamed. "Ahhhhhhh!" he stepped off.

...

Linda heard the scream while Vince was finishing the zip line. "That doesn't sound good."

"What does, honey?" Vince asked

"I heard a scream up ahead." She replied. Vince craned his head, hoping to hear it again.

"I don't hear anything." He said "Are you sure."

"I'm pos..." Linda was interrupted by a blood-curdling yell, that sounded like Joey Styles shouting "Oh my God!"

...

The second that his feet left the ground, Brian did start screaming. "Oh my God!!! Oh my God!!! Oh my God!!!" He yelled as he swung back and forth, his eyes screwed shut. After what seemed like an eternity, his back and forth momentum began to wain. Only when his feet touched the ground again, did he open his eyes.

"I'm so proud of you." Paul hugged him as soon as he was free from the rigging.

"I never wanna hear you say that I won't do anything for you." Brian tried to look stern, but couldn't quite pull it off.

"With a little coaxing, eh?" Paul nudged him in the ribs before they grabbed their clue and ran back to their car.

...

"So what's this African delicacy?" There were eleven stations set up in one of the large huts in the village. Underneath a cloth was the item to be consumed as well as a hot plate and a large frying pan. Matt raised the cloth and smiled. "That's one motherfuckin' big egg!"

Jeff looked over his brother's shoulder. "I'm not sure I wanna know what laid that."

"Ostrich, maybe?" Matt looked at a native woman who was 'running' the roadblock. She nodded, seeming to be impressed with the younger man's knowledge.

'What do we do with that?"

"The Roadblock thingy said one of us has to cook it and we both have to finish it off to receive our next clue." Matt stated "I said I'd do it so how do you like your egg, Jeffro?"

"Scrambled." Jeff replied

"Scrambled it is..." Matt looked at the egg, about the size of two dozen regular eggs, then back at Jeff. "Any idea how to open this thing?"

...

"It's about time we got here." Sean complained "I can't believe that we get here and right away we take the wrong turn." Joanie and Sean were the last team to arrive at the detour.

"We last?" Joanie asked

"Couldn't tell ya." He replied. Even if he knew for sure, the rules prevented him from divulging any information that might give teams an unfair advantage. Joanie and Sean were the tenth team he'd rigged, but there was always a chance that one team had taken the "Land" option or had found the fast-forward, which Adam and Jay had. They were currently relaxing in a couple of chairs beside the fire pit check-in and enjoying a mango juice cocktail before dinner.

Joanie took the lack of a direct answer to mean yes, and she was determined to find some way to move ahead. All they needed to do was pass one team to stay in the race.

Without hesitation, they finished the zip line and pendulum swing detour and got the next clue.

"Fuckin' A!" Sean shouted "We might be able to pull this off. That village we passed... that's where we're goin'... we'll have no problems finding our way. We ain't done yet." With Joanie right on his heels, he sprinted back to the waiting vehicles.

...

"How hungry are you, Jim?" Jerry looked at the frying pan where he was currently frying enough egg to feed most of the cruiserweights on the roster.

"Haven't eaten since the flight." To add credibility to that statement, Jim's stomach growled loudly.

"Good, 'cause there's a lotta egg here." Jerry looked at the pan, completely filled with fluffiness.

"What's another hundred points of cholesterol, eh?" Jim loosened his belt and waited for lunch.

"More like three hundred." With every stir, the thing got bigger. Like something out of "The Blob", it looked ready to start eating them instead of the other way around.

...

"Matty, Imma full." Jeff held his stomach. He'd wolfed down a large portion of eggy goodness, but there was only so much he could fit inside his small frame.

Matt looked at the frying pan. He too was quite full, but there was still a good six spoonfuls left.

"Three more big bites, each." Matt said "C'mon Jeffro, we can't take this home to Bunny so eat."

"Matty..." Jeff wailed

"Just be thankful this came after that zip line thingy." Matt closed his eyes and shoveled a big spoonful into his mouth. He was quite sure that after today, he'd never want to eat another egg again.

...

"They're kidding, right?" Amy looked at the Ostrich egg. "How the hell are we supposed to eat that? We're the two smallest people on the race."

"We could always just drink it. I've done the raw egg protein shake before." Jillian stated

"Thanks, but drinking something that looks like congealed snot is not what I signed up for. Get cooking." Amy ordered

"Yes, ma'am." Jillian saluted and flicked her hot plate on. "One three minute egg coming up."

...

Chavo and Vickie were discussing the 'african delicacy' from the moment they'd completed the detour. Everything from Wildebeest brains to Lion's paw, to Zebra meat was mentioned.

"Whatever it is, I just hope it's not egg." Vickie stated "I do not like eggs."

"Me neither. I'd rather eat a Rhinoceros kidney than an egg." Chavo agreed "Songwe village should be on our right... keep an eye out for it."

"Isn't Rhinoceros engangered?" Vickie asked

"I dunno.. I'm just sayin'. You watching'?" Chavo gazed ahead

"Yes, nephew... I think that's it."

"Here we go... into the mouth and past the gums, look out stomach here it comes!" Chavo sang

...

"Matty..." Jeff held his stomach. "Imma not feel so good."

"One more bite little bro and we're done." Matt spooned the last portion of egg. "Want big brother to do airplane?"

With exaggerated zooming noises, Matt whirled the egg-laden spoon toward his little brother's mouth. "Pilot to control tower... last one coming in... am I cleared for landing."

Jerry and Jim, who were making short work of their omelet, looked over and laughed so hard egg almost came out of their noses.

Jeff was completely filled, but since Matt was willing to do airplane, although he hoped this would be the last time he'd have to degrade himself on this trip, he swallowed the last mouthful of egg and kept it down.

"Are we good?" Matt showed the lady in charge the empty plate.

She nodded and handed them another envelope.

"Check in at the fire pit. The last team to arrive may be eliminated."

The walk to the fire pit was less than a hundred feet, where they were also greeted by the man in colorful garb.

"Matt and Jeff, you are... team number two!"

"Yay!" Jeff danced around, chanting "We're number two! We're number two!"

"Is he always this excitable?" The other man, who they would later learn was the host, Phil, asked.

"This is nothing." Matt watched Jeff caper around. "Just think what you'll see when we win the million bucks!"

...

Ten minutes later, Jerry and Jim checked in and were officially named the third team to arrive, followed by Amy and Jillian right behind them.

"I am impressed. You are two of the smallest competitors on this race and you wolfed that egg down in a hurry." Phil said, even though it looked like a lot of it ended up on their faces.

"I won't need to eat for another week." Amy held her stomach.

"Make that a month for me." Jillian added

"I guess I shouldn't tell you that the villagers are providing a feast in a couple hours." Phil looked at the girls.

"You're right... you shouldn't." The girls accepted the mango juice and sought out a nice shady spot where they could complain about how full they were in peace.

...

"Slow and steady, wife of mine. Slow and steady." Vince methodically cleaned the egg from his plate, then went back to the fry pan for more. Rather than overburden themselves with one huge serving each, Linda and her husband were taking much smaller portions. It made them feel less full, and as the oldest competitors on the race, they needed any bit of an edge they could find. Neither of them could figure out what had caused a disastrous blowout that had cost them all the time they'd gained since arriving in Africa, but they were determined not to let it get to them. After all, they didn't have to be first on every leg. Just the last one.

"Yes, dear." Linda shoveled the remaining egg into her mouth. While she swallowed, she was already filling her plate with the next order.

"If we keep up our pace, we can beat those other two teams." Vince stated. Paul and Stephanie and Joanie and Sean were in the early stages of prep.

"Yes dear." Linda replied

"Can you stop saying 'yes, dear'?" Vince frowned

"Yes, dear." Linda said

...

"Paul and Brian... you're team number five!"

The two ex-boyfriends jumped around jubilantly.

"I understand you two had a little trouble at the detour." Phil looked at them curiously.

"Nothing we couldn't handle, right Bri?" Paul looked at Brian, who wiped a tear from his eye.

"Yeah." He said "We'd still be there if it wasn't for Paul."

"We're running this race to see if we can find what first attracted us to each other." Paul said

"Paul has always been the driving force in our relationship. I forgot how much I needed that until today." Brian hugged him.

"I've got to realize that for us to work as a couple, I need to be more flexible." Paul said "I am workin' on it."

...

"We better find the right place soon. I am so sick of driving around this crappy area." Jimmy, Jr groaned. They had taken one wrong turn after another .

"Don't panic." Jimmy was the strong silent type. "We'll do this in our own way."

"Our own way doesn't seem to be working." His son growled. "Maybe we should try someone else's way."

"What would you recommend, boy?" Jimmy demanded

"This." Jimmy, Jr pulled off to the side of the road. "Someone's gonna drive by and I'm gonna get some friggin' directions... what we should've done right from the start!" He climbed out of the vehicle and waited, leaning against the quarter panel.

...

"Vince and Linda... you're team number six." Phil announced

Linda looked relieved, but Vince looked downright pissed off.

"We got off to a real good start, but we made one or two stupid mistakes. Next time we won't be so stupid." He stomped off.

"He tends to stress out really badly when things don't do his way." Linda shrugged, then followed Vince to a pair of chairs where she tried to soothe his bruised ego. In a race like this, being competitive is good, but being over-competitive can lead to not only bad decision-making, but catastrophe.

"We are not that far behind." Linda sat down and greedily accepted the offered beverage. "If you're really that put out, we'll go for the fast-forward on the next leg."

Vince grunted a reply. That seemed like a real good idea to him.

...

"This is disgusting." Stephanie looked at the egg cooking in the fryer. "And it's taking forever. I'm never gonna eat another egg after this."

"Me neither." Paul agreed. Less than ten feet away, Joanie and Sean sniggered to themselves. That's exactly what they wanted to hear.

"They're psyching themselves out and they haven't even started to chow down." Sean whispered

"Yep... dig in." Joanie was being sneaky. The clue only said that one person had to cook the egg, but it didn't say that it had to be cooked all at once. She figured that if she cooked half or a third of it at a time, they could have the first portion eaten by the time the next one was ready and save time that way. While they ate, they kept an eye on the Paul and Stephanie. As long as they were ahead of them, things were good.

...

"Twenty miles that way... excuse me!" Vickie screamed "I told you we were going in the wrong direction." She slammed her forehead off the steering wheel. "But oh no, you said this was the way." Tired of driving aimlessly, they had stopped to figure out just where the hell this Songwe village was. The answer they got was not good.

"I guess there's only one thing left to do?" Chavo backed up.

"Quit?" Vickie slumped in her seat.

"Not likely. Guerreros may lie, and cheat, and steal, but we don't quit. This time, keep your eyes open. At least we know we're heading in the right direction."

"A fat lotta good that will do if we get eliminated." Vickie retorted

"I'll drive as fast as I can." Chavo slammed the gas down. With a cloud of dust spewing from their tires, the aunt and nephew pairing were back on their way.

...

"Are you ready for more?" Joanie asked

"Bring it on, babe." Sean held out his empty plate. Their plan was working to perfection. Barely had they finished their first helping, then the second was ready for consumption. Paul and Stephanie were still waiting for theirs to finish cooking.

"I'm no egg fan, but this ain't half bad. If only we had some ketchup to go with it." Sean looked around. Maybe ketchup would magically appear?

"Whatever floats your boat, Seanie." Joanie scraped the last traces of egg onto her fork and swallowed them quickly. Once she had her second portion, she poured the rest of the egg into the skillet, smiling to herself. For all the blustering from some of the men on this race, she definitely felt that her womanly charms were going to serve her team very well. Yes, very well indeed.

...

"Yee-haw! We made it!" Cody shouted loudly.

"Christ, you sound like Dad." Dustin mumbled. Paul and Stephanie looked up briefly when the brothers from Texas sprinted into the Roadblock. Joanie and Sean paid them no attention, going about the business of eating the last bits of their egg in peace. They were safe, unless by some miracle four other teams arrived, cooked and consumed the entire egg within the next five minutes.

"Looks like somethin' one of mah chickens laid." Cody tossed the egg from one hand to the other. "Let's fry this bad boy up."

"We grow 'em big in Texas. This ain't nothin." Cody set to frying while Dustin looked at the other two pairs. Tipping his cowboy hat politely. "No offense to y'all, but we're gonna win this thing."

"None taken." Joanie said "Ready?"

Sean swallowed the last spoonful. "Yep. Let's rip ass on this thing." They were finished. Less than a minute later...

"Sean and Joanie, you are team number seven!"

"Lucky seven, babe." Joanie hugged Sean tightly. "It's a good sign."

"As long as we weren't the first ones outta here, I'm happy."

TBC

_Seven teams have arrived... who will be the first to go?_


	4. Pit Stop Number 1

"Eat... eat... eat... eat..." Paul chanted to himself. "Must not be first team eliminated. That would suck. That would also mean no sex for a month." Paul shoveled egg into his mouth as fast as he could without throwing it back up. Beside him, his wife was taking a more methodical approach. In other words, she was picking at the egg hoping that her husband would do most of the work... hence the sex comment.

"You almost done, honey bear?" She asked way too sweetly.

Paul nodded, his cheeks swollen with eggy goodness.

"You better hurry. Those Texas hicks are starting to catch up."

Paul wanted to ask just how he was expected to fit any more egg into his mouth and, more important, exactly when his lovely wife was going to stop nagging and start doing her share, but all the came out was something that sounded like "Mmphhhh!"

"Less talk, more eat dear." Stephanie scraped a minuscule portion of egg from her plate and daintily chewed on it. Paul rolled his eyes and continued eating.

...

"Day two and they're already having problems." Cody whispered. He and Dustin had been watching the interaction between Paul and Stephanie with great interest. Any little thing they could do to gain an advantage they were going to jump at.

"Yeah... omelette's almost ready, I think." Dustin looked at the contents of the frying pan

"Awesome. All we need is a side of bacon, home fries, and a couple cups of coffee and it'll be just like Sunday breakfast." Cody replied

"Yeah..." Dustin answered, flipping the omelette over. "Two minutes and here comes drama."

Chavo and Vickie had found out the ramifications of the roadblock and neither of them were too happy about it.

"Excuse me!" Vickie screeched

Dustin looked over at Cody. "If they aren't eliminated soon, I swear I'm going to gag her with my fist."

"Take a number, bro." Cody looked over at the now-arguing couple. They hadn't even decided who was going to do the cooking yet, and how the pair of egg-haters was going to complete the task was going to be entertaining for sure.

...

"You're telling me that we were five minutes away from the place the whole time?" Jimmy Jr shook his head in disgust. Finally, a bus had come by and they were able to get succinct directions to the village. "We coulda been there fifteen minutes ago."

"Or we could've driven right past it and been on our way back to the airport for all we knew." His father added "Let's just hope that we aren't the last ones to arrive."

"I wouldn't count on that." The younger Snuka had seen the parking lot and done a quick count of the cars. "There are ten of them."

"Then we better hope that we can catch up quickly."

"Yeah. I'll do the cooking." Junior reiterated the decision they had made at the detour.

"If it's as bad as I think, we may have to eat whatever this thing is raw."

"Whatever, Dad. I've done it before." They squeezed into the last available spot.

...

"Paul and Stephanie... you're team number eight!"

"Not as good as we'd hoped, but we'll take it." Paul wiped egg goo from his cheeks.

"We have to make up some time on the next leg for sure." Stephanie added

_If you'd eaten your share of the Goddamn egg, we wouldn't need to worry!_ Paul realized that his wife, the host, and their African greeter were all staring at him. "Yeah, what she said." He stammered, realizing that there was going to be a serious conversation had during their twelve-hour rest period.

...

Chavo and Vickie were still arguing when the two Jimmys walked in. Cody and Dustin were wolfing down the egg like condemned men having their last meal, paying little attention to either pair. Dustin did look up briefly, but a stern look from his younger brother soon turned him back to his brunch. "Focus." Cody's eyes seemed to say.

"Looks like we might have lucked out... you still want to eat it raw?" Jimmy Jr asked

His father nodded. "It's the only chance we have to guarantee non-elimination."

"You're the boss." The egg was cracked into a large bowl (I guess that could count for the 'cooking' part of the clue) and the two Fijian men took turns inhaling the gooey mixture. Cody elbowed his brother when he saw what they were doing.

Dustin shook his head. "No chance in hell." He whispered

...

"It's just an egg." Chavo's attempts to pacify his aunt were falling on deaf ears. "We can do this. We have to!"

"Excuse me... that looks like something an elephant passed. I am not eating that!" She screeched

"Fine! I'll do it myself, you stupid bat!" Mumbling several Spanish curse words, Chavo reluctantly began the food prep. Vickie just stood and watched, oblivious to the triumphant looks the other four men were giving her. "¿Por qué le se casó mi tío en primer lugar?" he mumbled

(Roughly translated, it means "Why did my uncle marry you in the first place?")

...

Jimmy and his son and Cody and Dustin were neck and neck for ninth. It was simply a matter of which team would finish eating first. It was hard to determine exactly who was in the lead as one team was eating omelettes and the other was slurping raw egg. Chavo and Vickie were still cooking it. If they'd had a clue, maybe they would've seen the strategy employed by Jimmy and Jimmy and tried to catch up.

"Faster, nephew!" Vickie screeched

"¡Si usted no se calla voy a verter esto sobre su cabeza!" Chavo muttered

The Guerrero's cameraman, who spoke fluent Spanish, broke into laughter. Neither Vickie, nor the other member of their crew had heard the comment. In English, Chavo had just threatened to dump the mixture on his aunt's head if she didn't shut up.

"Excuse me!" Vickie shouted again "What is so funny... we are going to be eliminated and you're joking around."

"Nothing, Aunt Vickie." Winking at his cameraman, Chavo returned to the roadblock.

"Makes you wish we'd learned Spanish, eh Codes?" Dustin smiled at his brother.

Cody shook his head. He was hoping that Vickie and Chavo would survive elimination because he really wanted to know what '¡Si usted no se calla voy a verter esto sobre su cabeza!' meant and he was pretty sure he wouldn't remember it by the time they got back to their hotel. He only knew a couple of the words.

"Yeah."

They returned to their task, only occasionally looking at Jim and Jimmy to gauge their progress. As long as they stayed ahead of Vickie and Chavo, they were okay, but they really wanted to put some space between themselves and last place.

...

At the fire pit, the other eight teams were waiting for the last teams to finish. Chatting away, most of the teams had come to one conclusion... that Adam and Jay had made a mistake using their fast-forward this early. It had given them less than an hour's head-start and that meant nothing this early in the race, especially with the next three teams less than fifteen minutes apart from each other.

"You think they're right?" Jay asked Adam, standing off to one side.

"It doesn't matter what they think." Adam replied "Let them run the race their way, we'll run it ours. "C'mon, let's take a walk."

...

After the drama of the first leg, Paul and Brian had retreated to an abandoned clearing to talk.

"Paul..." Brian breathed loudly. "I'm sorry for being such a puss back there."

"I should be the one apologizing." Paul replied "I didn't mean to put all that pressure on you. But you know me... I'm uber-competitve."

"I know, but I feel like I let you down." Brian sat down at the base of a tall tree and looked out over the African wilderness.

"You didn't." Paul shrugged, leaning against that same tree and looking down. "This is not about the million bucks, Bri. This is about you and me. Us. And after today, I've made a decision about that."

"You have?" Brian's mind was still trying to block out the detour.

"Yes... I know it's a little strange, and I don't have anything for you, but Brian David Kendrick... will you marry me?" Paul went down on one knee and took Brian's hands in his own.

"What?" This was the last thing Brian expected to hear. "But I thought we weren't going to do anything until after the race."

"Screw the race. The only thing that matters to me right now is you. Whaddaya say?"

"You know I'm not the easiest person to be with..." Brian smiled "But if you're sure you want to do this, then Paul Michael London, yes!"

"Yes?" Paul repeated "Yes!" He screamed

Adam and Jay overheard the exclamation.

"Sounds like Paul." Jay shrugged "Should we go take a look?"

"No." Adam answered "If it's anything important, we'll find out eventually." He turned and walked back to the fire pit. Jay really wanted to know what had prompted the scream, but, like Adam, he figured he'd find out soon enough. He followed his partner back just as the next team checked in.

...

"Cody and Dustin, you're team number nine." Phil stated

"Better than tenth." Cody answered

"And a hell of a lot better than last." Dustin added "But we got a lot of work to do if we're going to win this."

"The good news is you're still in the race..."

"... and right now, that's all that matters. I really didn't want to have the honor of being the first team eliminated." Cody said

"That you did... good luck in the next leg."

Cody and Dustin wandered off to find two comfy chairs and relax before the next leg. That left Vickie and Chavo and Jimmy and Jimmy Jr battling for the final spot.

...

Phil and his Songwean friend waited patiently for several minutes, before two forms could be seen approaching. Once both sets of feet hit the mat, Phil made the announcement.

"Vickie and Chavo... you're team number ten!"

"You're kidding?" Chavo looked at Phil, with an expression that ranged from shock to disbelief and all in between. "Ten?"

"Yup, ten..." Phil repeated. "You've survived to fight another day."

"Wow!" Chavo sighed "I thought we were dead for sure. Even with the other team still at the roadblock, I was sure that was it."

"Well it isn't. There's still time to make a comeback."

Mumbling "wow" under their breath, Chavo and Vickie took two chairs. Jim and his son checked in less that five minutes later.

"Welcome to Songwe."

"Jimmy and Jimmy Jr... you're the last team to arrive. I'm sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the race."

"When I saw Chavo and Vickie finish, I figured that." The younger Snuka said "We had them and I don't know what happened."

"Does this change anything?" Phil asked

"Hell, no. We may be the first team gone, but I wouldn't change it for a second. That swing thing made it all worthwhile."

Jimmy, Sr. Nodded his agreement. They walked off into the sunset as a group of traditional dancers entered. The feast was about to begin.

Post-race...

Jimmy Jr: Coming into this, we realized it wasn't going to be easy. And I guess we didn't press as much as we should have. Oh well... at least we can say we tried.

Jimmy Sr: (making "I love you" sign)

Next time on "The Amazing Race"...

Teams travel to Robben Island, the prison where Nelson Mandela was held. While one team struggles at the detour, can others dance their way into the lead? Or will the problems encountered by one of the teams in the first leg be compounded at the roadblock?


	5. Back to South Africa

Previously... on "The Amazing Race"...

Eleven teams set out from Titan Tower and raced to the remote African Village of Songwe. Adam and Jay took advantage of the fast forward and arrived just ahead of brothers Matt and Jeff...

At the roadblock, more than one team found eating a ostrich egg a little hard to swallow, but in the end it was father and son Jimmy and Jimmy, Jr who were eliminated.

Ten teams remain, who will be eliminated next?

opening credits

Phil: This is Songwe Village... one of the most remote places on earth. Teams checked in here at the end of the last leg for a mandatory twelve hour rest period where they can eat, sleep, or mingle with the other teams.

Adam and Jay, who checked in at 11:46 a.m, will leave at 11:46 p.m... in the dark.

"Leg two." Adam said, tearing open the envelope.

"Get yourself to Robben Island... Once there, find section B, cell 5... you may only travel by local ferry."

"Robben Island... where the fuck is that?" Jay asked

"Beats the hell outta me." Adam responded "Good thing we brought an atlas."

"Yeah." Jay replied "Let's find our car and figure this out.

Just before 12:30 the next morning, Matt and Jeff departed, followed by Jerry and Jim at 12:39 a.m., and Amy and Jillian four minutes later.

At 1:02 a.m., a tired-looking Paul and Brian departed the pit stop. They had been 'celebrating' since the feast provided by their hosts had concluded instead of what they should've been doing: sleeping. They hadn't told any of the other teams about their engagement and were planning to keep it quiet as long as possible. As far as they knew, none of the other teams even knew that they were a couple and that was fine with them.

"I know exactly where we are going." Brian announced proudly, stifling a yawn with his hand.

"You do?" Paul asked, busily counting the money they were allotted for the leg.

"Yeah... at least I think I do." Brian answered

"Tell me while we walk." Paul said

"Robben island is where Nelson Mandela was held prisoner." Brian recalled his world history course from high school. "If I remember correctly, it's just off the coast of Cape Town..."

"Back to South Africa, eh?" They had reached their vehicles. "Promise me one thing, Bri?"

"What?"

"Next pit stop... we sleep, okay?"

"Okay." Brian rubbed his partner's leg, giggling.

The remaining departure times are:

Vince and Linda 1:29 a.m.

Sean and Joanie 1:53 a.m.

Paul and Stephanie 2:09 a.m.

Cody and Dustin 2:53 a.m.

Vickie and Chavo 2:59 a.m.

All teams are now making their way to Robbin Island, via Cape Town, South Africa. Once there, they will find their next clue as well as the clue for the Fast Forward on this leg of the race. A team that finds the fast forward can bypass all remaining tasks in this leg of the race, but a team may only use a fast forward once, so it is up to them to determine when it is most advantageous to do it.

Adam and Jay drove back into Cape Town. Robbin Island was still unfamiliar territory to them, but they figured they might have a better chance finding someone who knew where it was, and how to find the ferry in a big city rather than a small village. Pulling into Cape Town, they pulled over at a gas station.

"English?" Adam asked

"A little." One of the attendants replied.

"The boat to Robbin Island. Where do we get it?" Adam made rowing motions with his hands.

"Down this road... harbor." He replied in very broken english.

"Thanks." Adam got back into the car.

"Well?" Jay asked

"Just keep goin'. We'll get there."

...

"Sixth!" Vince slammed his hands against the dashboard. "How the hell did we end up sixth!"

"You have been bitching ever since we checked in yesterday. Would you give it a rest for five minutes while I figure out where the hell we are!" Linda was getting irritated with her husband's dwelling on their placement in the first leg.

"I know where the hell we are." Vince barked "We're in sixth. SIXTH!"

"Actually, we're in seventh." Linda had seen one of the other 4X4's pass them during her husband's tirade.

"SEVENTH!" Vince put his foot down, nearly running them off the road, but it got them to the ferry terminal in good standing. In fact, the only team that had arrived beforehand was Adam and Jay, but that was purely by chance. Despite getting fairly straightforward directions to the ferry port, Adam had taken four wrong turns. But the Gods were smiling. Instead of being twenty miles out of the way, the brothers had backed into the ferry terminal and had arrived ten minutes faster than if they had taken the local's directions.

"Someone up there likes you." Jay jumped out of the car, looking for the ticket booth.

"Yeah. If I believed in a higher power, I'd be tempted to say we had divine intervention." Adam smiled

"Well, something must've worked. Let's go... Vince and Linda just pulled up."

That was all Adam needed to hear. He ran after Jay, nearly knocking over two South Africans.

...

"I hope there's no more eating challenges." Stephanie stated

Paul looked over at her, a rude comment on his lips, but he originally decided against it. The twelve hour pit stop had done nothing to calm the rising anger that was burning inside him, and he was doing a good job controlling him until Stephanie kept going on about food challenges and what she would and wouldn't eat on this race.

"Stephanie, could you please shut up and let me drive." The words were out of his mouth before he realized it.

His wife looked at his reflection in the rear view mirror. "What the fuck is your problem?" She barked

"My problem?" Paul stated "My problem! I damn near had an egg embolism and you're bitching about what you won't eat! That's all I've heard since we checked in! You wanted a damn inventory of every dish they served at dinner, for God's sake and you're asking what my problem is? I don't believe you!"

"Paul, look out!"

Paul swerved to avoid an oncoming vehicle. They were in the correct lane, but that obviously didn't matter to the man driving a truck laden with pineapples. Shaking his head in disgust he drove on, hoping that by the time they hit the next route marker things would be back to civil. If not, Paul could see himself travelling home alone.

...

At around the same time, Paul and Steph were experiencing their 'communication' difficulties, Matt and Jeff had also arrived at the ferry terminal and were likewise shocked to see Vince and Linda.

"We may have underestimated those two." Matt whispered, parking in the marked lot.

"Yeah.." Jeff tucked the most recent clue into his fanny pack. "Those two old farts may need to be watched."

"Jeffro! What did Dad tell us about respecting our elders?" Matt exclaimed

"Uh... I dunno, Matty. That was a long time ago." Jeff answered, a hint of a blush appearing on his cheeks.

"Sometimes I wonder about you." Matt answered "Hurry up and maybe we can get our tickets for the first ferry across."

The first ferry, departing at 3 p.m., carries Matt and Jeff, Vince and Linda, and Adam and Jay. Once they arrive at Robben island, they must make their way here... to Nelson Mandela's former jail cell. There they will receive their next clue.

Once the boat docked, it was a scramble to find the correct cell. Adam and Jay and Matt and Jeff soon took a big lead over the older married couple.

"Slow down Vince." Linda puffed "I'm not thirty anymore."

"C'mon." Vince grabbed his wife by the arm and pulled her along. "We're gonna show those kids that nothing beats age or experience."

_Except maybe a heart attack..._

...

"Drive, drive, drive..." Vickie shouted

"What do you think I'm doing? God, you're such a bitch!" Chavo slammed the car into reverse. As the last team to depart, it was imperative that they make up as much time as possible.

"Excuse me." Vickie screeched

Chavo mumbled something in Spanish. "Just keep your eye out for something that might tell us we're at least not as lost as I think we are."

"And what would that be?"

"I'll know when I see it." Chavo answered, wishing his uncle was still alive. At least they could joke about the beauty of some of the mamacitas.

"You're not being very helpful." Vickie stared at the rudimentary directions they'd received from someone in the village.

"I can't drive and navigate at the same time." Chavo barked "If I could, you wouldn't be here."

Vickie huffed, and opened her mouth but nothing came out.

"Peace and quiet." Chavo thought. "Finally."

...

"You are now in the same cell occupied by Nelson Mandela... now you must take the ferry back to Kalk Bay. Your next clue awaits there." Matt read

Jeff was staring intently at the green envelope that was also in the clue.

Matt shook his head. "It's too early." He mouthed "C'mon, let's see if we can grab the next boat back."

Vince and Linda had also seen the green Fast Forward clue and, unlike the Hardys, had no qualms about using their one advantage this early.

In this fast forward, teams must count the number of cells in the prison. If they are correct, the guard will give them the fast forward clue. If they are wrong, they must wait fifteen minutes before they try again. The first team to come up with the correct number will be able to skip all tasks and go directly to the pit stop.

...

The next ferry was set to depart one hour later, at four p.m. On it were Jerry & Jim, thanks in no small part to Jim seeing an all-you-can-eat waffle house on their way back to civilization, Sleepyheads Paul and Brian, Amy and Jillian, Sean and Joanie, and Paul and Stephanie. The five o'clock carried Cody & Dustin as well as Vickie and Chavo. The tension between those two teams was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. They all knew that, unless something drastic happened, one of them would probably be the next to go.

"Enjoy the ride, Aunt." Chavo gritted his teeth. Watching Vickie pace the deck of the ferry was getting on his last nerve.

Vickie gave him a look that said mouthfuls, and resumed her pacing.

Just to be away from her for a while, Chavo went over the other side of the deck and struck up a conversation with one of the locals. Part of him wanted the million dollars, but if he had to put up with his Aunt's temper for much longer, the part of him that craved his sanity was willing to just up and leave.

...

"Are you sure you want to take the fast forward?" Linda asked

"Positive. What could be easier?" Vince blustered

"But if we screw up, we'll have to wait fifteen minutes before we try again." Linda re-read the instructions. "We're already behind two teams. One mistake and we'll be back in the middle of the pack and you know how well you took it last time."

"Trust me. I'm used to big numbers. How hard can counting a few cells be?"

How hard indeed...

...

"Kalk Bay, here we come." Adam sang out. "Keep your eyes peeled for a route marker."

"Route markers totally rule." Jay scanned amongst the crowd dockside.

"And not finding them totally reeks of suckitude." Adam added

"I thought we agreed to lose the valley-boy crap and try to focus." Jay cocked an eyebrow at his partner.

"Did we? Or was that one of your unilateral decisions?" Adam returned the gesture.

"Whatever." Jay did not want to argue. Things had gone well so far. "I think I see it."

"Cool." Adam concurred "Let's hope this rust bucket gets there in one piece."

The rust bucket did manage to get there in one piece and Adam and Jay, followed closely by Matt and Jeff, sprinted off the boat. The Hardys had not seen the clue box per se, but Matt had figured that if Adam and Jay were running in one direction, the best bet would be to follow. That way, they'd either both get their next clue or be hopelessly lost amongst the crowds of shoppers, dockworkers, and street performers.

Jay and Jeff reached the box first and eagerly tore into their clues.

"Detour." Jeff said, then burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Matt asked, a little winded.

Jeff showed him the rest of the card and Matt saw what was so funny. He looked over at Adam and Jay and also burst into gales.

"Piece of cake, little bro. Piece of cake."

TBC


End file.
